So How Am I Really Doing?
実は、ちょっと大変だよ。
I couldn’t write an entry for a week because I couldn’t think of anything happy or exciting. I’m not suffering or going through any difficulties at all, but something just doesn’t feel right…I keep daydreaming about being at home in LA. I keep thinking about when I’m going back, what I’m going to do when I get there, what it’s going to be like to be driving my car again, seeing my family again, sleeping in a bed again, going to class again. Mind, body, and soul I want to be in Japan, but lately I keep drifting.
Sometimes it’s fun, sometimes it’s annoying to be a foreigner. I can scare telemarketers away pretty fast–all I have to say is, “Do you speak English?” That gets them hanging up right quick. But one thing that kills me here is that I’m unable to be completely independent–I always have to ask people for help, for translating or grocery shopping or whatever. On occasion, I feel so stupid. But I guess that’s one way God is molding me, right? “Abide in me. For apart from me you can do nothing.” It’s okay, maybe even better, to be helpless in God’s eyes. That’s when he comes in and saves the day. I need to get used to this “damsel-in-distress” thing.
I know that when I go back to LA, I’m going to miss Japan terribly. How long can I stay away without going crazy? Today our Purpose Driven Life reading group met and talking about surrender, I remember thinking that no guy in his right mind would date a girl bound for overseas missions or full-time ministry. But Jesus, on the cross, essentially said to me “I love you this much! I’d rather die than live without you.” So, who needs the ever-changing affections of a man when you’ve got the love of God? Anyways. Praying that the Lord would grant me a crazy man, or no man. Amen, amen, again and again.
Posted by genieinjapan on March 1st, 2007 filed in Daily LifeOne Response to “So How Am I Really Doing?”
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March 3rd, 2007 at 6:34 am
Hello! I read your blog for the first time. Each article interests me. And at the same time, your thought remind me of things I experienced in Washington D.C. where I stayed for one year as an exchange student about 15 years ago. I had a lot of Korean friends while I stayed there. I talked many things with them including Japan and Korea’s long time conflict. Here, in Japan, too, I have a few friends whose nationality are Korean but were born in Japan. “Zainichi-Kankokujin” in Japanese. From them, I hear some difficulties they’ve experienced so far. Whenever I hear such a thing, I think myself about what I can do to get rid of prejudice.
I also go to “Suita-Fukuin church” from time to time though I’m not a Christian. I hope I can see you sometime.